She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
