you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
