I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
