??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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