Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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