You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
