I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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