I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
