You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
