Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
