I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
