well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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