Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
