how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
