need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
