I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
