I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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