Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
