I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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