Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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