Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
