I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
