Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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