thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You ruined the universe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
