You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
