absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
