pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
