remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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