PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
