My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
