I wish my penis had an off switch
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
