Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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