I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
