I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
