WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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