I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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