better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
