Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
