Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
