i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The beer is more important than you right now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
