I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
