If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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