WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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