just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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