have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
