everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize