So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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