i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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