Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
