dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
