maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
