Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
