also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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