He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
