i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
