Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
