the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
