There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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