ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
