You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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