On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
