you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
