I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
