ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
