either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
