on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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