Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
